WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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