I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
