Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
