I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
