Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
