Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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