I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
