cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
