Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
