I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
