you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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