I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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