Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
