Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
