my vag is so smooth its legendary
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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