genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We had sex on a dog bed..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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