i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
