there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
