youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
