Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
