:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
