Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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