He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i think i just lost a toe
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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