Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
