The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
