did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you mean i was at the winter classic?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
