I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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