I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You are the jesus of drinking
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
