I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
