i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
