Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
