A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
