In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
