I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
