Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
