I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
