and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
