I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
did i walk over a car last night?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize