We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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