you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
