Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just googled if crying burns calories
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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