It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
