If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize