nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
