Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
