you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
