That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Enjoy the penises
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
