I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
