p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
