Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
