If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
