is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize