At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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