i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Please don't give away my fajitas
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
