Capitaan dildo arrescate!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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