You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
