Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
