So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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