i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He felt like a one man threesome
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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