i think my tv is drunk
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
