New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
