trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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