She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
