Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
