ugly people sure do ruin things
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
