so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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