he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize