I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
