Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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