you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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