Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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