my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
