The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
