someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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