I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
