if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
