He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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