we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
