Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
