yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
