Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize