I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize