so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
