Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
