sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
